7 Keys To A Fulfilling Marriage

“This marriage will never make it. Come back for post-divorce counseling.” The professional counselor told us.

I mean we had everything going for us. We were best friends, dated for five years before marrying and loved each other more than any other. Yet, our first years of marriage were tumultuous and hard to get through.

Marriage is hard work.

We were two crazy kids straight out of college trying to make our way in a failing economy and lived 50 miles from our friends and family. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

It was like being thrown into an emotional blender with no help in sight. Our marriage was doomed. Even the counselor said so.

Guess what? God had other plans. Forty-two years later we are best friends, love each other more than anyone else and are happily married.

You may wonder, what’s the secret to a long marriage with a solid foundation?

Here are some keys that worked for us.

1.     You will fail on the daily. Get ready to apologize and hug it out.

2.     When stress is high and you’re going through difficulties give each other grace. It makes the difference between “teamwork” and letting all our frustration out on each other. The words “I love you” are the magic sauce.

3.     Remember that ‘counselor’ I mentioned in the first line? Don’t give people like that access to your marriage. I don’t care if they have “doctor” in front of their name. Anyone who can’t support you in the effort to build a good marriage needs to be silenced. I know I’m a suspense writer… I don’t mean silenced permanently. Just don’t give them a place to speakinto your marriage. Go to a trusted, wise, godly person to help you with the most precious part of your life. My husband and I left that office and removed the word divorce from our vocabularies.

4.     If forgiveness and grace are the glue holding you together, than humor drives the engine. Who can resist the joy of a good belly laugh?

5.     Keep your communication current. Don’t give in to the temptation to let your hurt, disappointments simmer. Speak how you feel in love, at a good time when you’re both free from responsibilities and always, always have a time once a week to have a “date.” On your dates leave the problems at home with the sitter and the kids and enjoy each other like you did before children.

6.     My husband and I followed the rules of a good marriage and struggled for a long time. Together we discovered you can’t create a good foundation without God. We had to reach the bottom of our efforts (they may be with good intentions and a heart of love) but until we let go and surrendered our marriage to him, It was a ton of work.

7.     Finally, enjoy your beautiful marriage. It’s God’s greatest gift to you. Each marriage is unique. What works for one may not necessarily work for another.

        If you’re wondering about the counselor from the start of our marriage? Five years later, we walked past him at a work function with our first-born daughter holding one of each of my husband and my hands.  I love when God does that. Don’t you?

1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
    and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
    for he grants sleep to those he loves. Psalm 127: 1&2 NIV