A Working Marriage: Key To Successful Parenting

What does your relationship with your spouse have to do with raising children? Maybe you come from a family where your parents kept their relationship seperate from yourself and siblings. Or, maybe, they lived life large and out there for all to see like mine.

No matter the style, if you’re not working on your marriage, and by that, I mean intentionally pouring in to your husband or wife’s emotional tank, it’s not working.

In his book, The Meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller writes

‘Marriage is glorious but hard. It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat and tears, humbling defeat and exhausting victories. No marriage I know more than a few weeks old could be described as a fairy tale come true.’

Have you ever thought you completely missed the mark in your marriage? Or wondered what happened to your dreams and ideals of what you’d like to see happen? Do your children see two people who struggle to communicate and fight all the time? Or, maybe, the conflict is buried causing undercurrents of tension.

Introduce a child or more to the mix. Each with a unique personality, gifts and talents and it can feel like an unsolvable mystery. In fact, if you’re like me, at some points, it can feel as though you’ve failed in your marriage and in your parenting.

The good news is, it’s never too late to start over! Oftentimes, the best place to begin is between mom and dad.

My husband and I have two strong personalities. We complement each other well, but, we had to learn how to have patience in our disagreements. When they say opposites attract we’re text book examples. We often clashed in how to raise children.

As strong personalities, hubby succeeded in his job as a chemical engineer, while I managed the household as we raised daughters as a stay at home mother.

I mentioned in my last post that like most people while our girls got good grades and checked all the bullet points of what the world considers “success” than life went on well.

What happens when one of your children experiences his or her first school bully? Makes bad choices with friendships? Or, is diagnosed with an illness? There are many difficulties we face in a broken world.

What I’m going to say here is counterintuitive. But after years of my husband and I facing one challenge after the other with our kiddos, the first thing we learned is to check in with your spouse. Let’s face it, mom and dad are the backbone of the family. If they’re not in sync than your child’s challenges can seem overwhelming.

Some practical ways we can establish continual connection with hubby and wifey. These tiny steps can add up to a successful working marriage. All scripture is from the New International Version.

  1. Make a habit every day to check in with your spouse. It can be a phone call or waiting until you get home after work. Intentionally decide what you will say that will positively impact his or her world that day. Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

  2. If you disagree about the way you want to parent a child spend time coming to a compromise on how to proceed with your parenting. My husband placed a high value on grades and setting goals. I wanted to instill spiritual training as a priority. As a result, I think our differences worked to help each child become more well rounded individuals. 1Thessalonians 15:7 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

  3. It’s imperative to be present and enjoy each other on a regular basis. Remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Hold each others interests, talents and gifts in high regard and honor their needs and desires. My husband is athletic and has enjoyed a wide variety of sports over the years in his spare time. When our daughters were little we would go to his softball games to cheer him on. My husband honored my love of writing through supporting me with annual trips to writer’s conferences, gifting me with my favorite books and taking care of our daughters so I could write. John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

  4. Finally, don’t ever allow an activity or person to create a wedge between you and your spouse. There’s no place in a working marriage for overly needy people in your office place, friends that continually criticize your spouse, or even overbearing family members. Give no place for your child’s difficulties or temperament to allow an opportunity to hijack your enjoyment of your marriage. When you’re able spend time enjoying your love without interruption from children or life’s problems and you will be amazed by the beautiful union you’ll produce. Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Speaking of enjoying your spouse~ my friend, Counselor Bill Yaich, has a newly released book, an interactive journal, that is a great resource for your working marriage. Congrats Bill!

Click the book’s cover to purchase a copy!

Just the two of Us: An Interactive Journal For Couples is a unique and meaningful way to deepen your connection with your partner. This journal invites couples to explore their relationship through thoughtful questions in four key areas: emotional, spiritual, relational, and intellectual. By writing to each other instead of just speaking, you'll open up new avenues for understanding and intimacy. Whether you're newlyweds or celebrating years of marriage, this journal offers the perfect opportunity to reflect, grow, and start a new chapter in your relationship. Begin your journey toward a stronger bond today!

Author Bio

Bill Yaich is a licensed counselor, relationship coach, and speaker with extensive experience in revitalizing relationships. In addition to his expertise in relationships, Bill offers therapy for trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. He is also a prolific author, having written numerous journals to help athletes overcome mental hurdles in their game. Additionally, Bill has penned a humorous book exploring the nuances of introvert and extrovert couples.