OVERCOMING BULLYING In Your Child's Life
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes in a child’s life whether it’s a big brother picking on them, or a classmate targeting them in school, or a mocking teacher. If your child is facing a bully, you are not alone.
As our children mature, they want to handle the struggles they face on their own. Unfortunately, many instances of serious life altering bullying or abuse can come in middle school. The age between running to mom and dad with their problems and attempting to deal with an adult situation on their own. They might feel embarrassed or ashamed of continual bullying. They may not even realize that they are being bullied at the time.
A few examples of possible bullying incidences might include ~
· A 12-year-old girl targeted in her classroom by other kids she thought were friends.
· A teenager assaulted in the bathroom by another teen boy.
· A child with her first cellphone receiving cruel texts from her classmates.
· A student who is mocked by his teacher for questions he asks about new material the class is learning.
Our experience with bullying began when our oldest daughter turned 11. We saw her change from a happy active extravert to a withdrawn adolescent in fifth grade. Unfortunately, right after she had the difficult experience, I was diagnosed with cancer a few years later. Now she had not fully processed what she’d gone through a few years before and then she is facing another life altering experience difficult to navigate for any child.
We did what we could as we watched her isolate on the computer and we brought her to professional counselors. When she started to harm herself with cutting and talked about suicidal thoughts, we did the hard thing and hospitalized her.
Our story ends happily as she is now a grown beautiful, healthy 35-year-old woman. We give credit to the loving support system we had with family, church, and friends. And we thank God for his healing power and answer to our prayers.
Through our difficulties we did learn a few skills to help our daughters overcome the effects of bullying.
Pray for your children before they go to school. Ask for God’s protection and wisdom on how they should respond to problems they face. Teach them to pray for those who harm them.
Create a safe atmosphere in the home through spending one on one activities you can share with each child. This allows them the time and relaxed space to share their hearts with you. Each of our children are uniquely created and it’s a fun way to explore the person they are becoming.
With one of our daughters, we took her out to get Ice Cream Sundaes and talk. Another, liked to watch an age-appropriate television drama and talk about the dynamics of relationships and growing up years. And our youngest loved to read and share a love of books about adventures.
Teach your children healthy ways to communicate their own needs and disagreements with you in a relaxed and nonjudgmental way.
Lay a firm foundation of discipline so they learn how to control themselves and treat others with respect.
Watch for any signs of bullying from others including ~ withdrawing from family and friends, Isolation in their rooms, not eating or comfort eating, losing interest in activities they previously enjoyed.
Teach them it’s okay to follow their own instincts when it comes to other people and or situations.
Give them an “escape” plan by knowing they can call you or talk to you when they are out with friends or at a social gathering. Let them know they will not be shamed or made fun of over any difficult situations.
Discipline in a loving, clear manner to show them you are not angry with them but love them unconditionally.
Encourage them to take steps of acceptable ways to stand up to the bully’s actions and threats. They can talk to the person who is bullying them. Share what is happening with a teacher or other trusted adult in the school. Separate themselves from the person who is bullying them.
If the aggression does not stop or heightens, connect with the school leadership, and talk about ways to intervene between the aggressor and your child.
If the bullying has reached a point where your child doesn’t feel safe or can’t focus on their own studies and friendships it may be time to remove him or her from the environment where they experienced a bully’s intimidation.
Build them up in their own confidence to remind them of who they are and how unique God has created them to be.
If we perceive the incident as a growing opportunity it will help give them assurance we are with them and the good that come from their difficult days.
Finally, as parents we will make mistakes. My husband and I would go to our children and ask them for their forgiveness when we messed up and failed them.
Finally, It’s okay to forgive yourself too. God has already forgiven you.
