THE ART OF WHEN TO SAY 'NO' and 5 INDICATORS YOU NEED TO PRACTICE IT.
You are gifted, hard working and continually giving to others because you are fortunate to have a wonderful life. Along with Springtime’s sunshine, flowers, warm weather comes a whole slew of new opportunities to serve others. Everyone knows you are more than willing to help. Until you say no.
Let’s face it, at work and at home there is nothing better than being needed and well loved. You’re told affirmations like~
But you’re so good at that! Yes!
We love hanging out with you! Yes!
We’ll have fun! Yes!
It’s a great opportunity for more money! Yes!
It’s true! The sense of well being from helping others is a refreshing change from every day responsibilities.
We’re taught in our culture to be highly productive and to serve others as wives, husbands, parents and leaders.
There is truth in that until we ‘serve’ ourselves into burn out.
How do we know when enough is enough when we’re enjoying the thrill of getting to know other people and using our gifts?
While raising our three daughters my husband’s job required long hours at work and travel.
I loved being a mom but those long hours were difficult to do alone. So I filled our time with church activities and spending time with other mothers.
In those early years of housekeeping, cooking and raising our girls I soon also allowed others to give me other duties. Over the years my time filled up fast with chauffeuring, lunch aid, Awana, Nursery Director, Sunday school teacher, prayer leader, newsletter editing, Crisis Pregnancy and Peer Counseling.
This is just to name a few ...
Sound familiar?
For awhile it’s worth it until the work becomes an obligation. It has taken some experience and practice for me to learn the art of saying no.
This may sound odd but I read somewhere if you practice saying no out loud it’s easier when you need to tell someone ‘no.’ Go ahead give it a try. Doesn’t it feel good?
As the world builds to a new level of daily crises we need more than ever before to know when to just say no.
5 signs showing you may be saying yes when you need to say no ~
Family and friends point out you are doing too much
You lose your joy
You struggle with anxiety and guilt
You’re constantly fatigued
You have no time for yourself
If you find yourself saying yes to any or all of the red flags above it might be time to ask your spouse or a trusted friend what they think.
My husband is great when he sees me reaching a point of exhaustion. He would take time off from work to get up with our girls and let me sleep in. He bought me spa packages and took time away with me to hike or explore on his motorcycle to relax and get reacquainted with each other.
One of the best ways I know it is time to step away from a project is when he points out that I’ve lost my joy.
These days opportunities have become available to me in writing, editing and blogging. And sometimes, it’s difficult for me to say no. But I’ve learned that when we don’t take the time to ‘listen’ to our God given intuition or the safety nets of good counselors than we’re heading into other problems. Ones we could otherwise avoid.
When you feel it’s time to stop doing an activity sit down with your spouse, your boss, or whoever you are working with and tell them graciously that you need to step down from the activity you are doing. Whether it is volunteer work at the kids school, overtime for your job or even time with family and friends. Be honest. Explain how you’ve enjoyed the time you’ve had working with them. And keep practicing the art of saying no.
When the pressure comes, and it will, to get involved again, remind yourself of your priorities, and enjoy your free time!
One of the best books I’ve read on the topic of time management and over all balance in your life is “ORDERING YOUR PRIVATE WORLD'‘ by Gordon MacDonald.
How about you? What are some ways you find yourself heading into overtime serving others? Are you, like me, quick to say yes when others ask for a favor? What’s the best way you’ve found to say no?
I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.~Unknown
